A Hero's Conscience
by bdwoolf
Summary: Five months after September 11th


Title: A Hero's Conscience  
Author: GateDemon (aka MythingLink)  
Comments: All comments are welcomed.  
Rating: PG  
Spoilers: None  
Archive: Please ask first.  
Status: Completed  
Summary: I said I wouldn't do this and I probably should have kept that promise to myself but I was listening to some of the music put out in tribute for the WTC/Pentagon attacks and this just kind of popped out this afternoon.  
Disclaimers: Stargate SG-1 and the characters are the property of  
MGM-UA, Viacom/Showtime, Gekko Productions, and Double Secret  
Productions. No copyright infringement is intended as it is  
simply an expression of my liking for the show. I wish I could list the writer of The Wind Beneath My Wings but my CD has woefully little information.  
  
***  
  
"It must have been cold there in my shadow  
To never have sunlight on your face  
You've been content to let me shine  
You always walked a step behind  
I was the one with all the glory  
While you were the one with all the strength  
Only a face without a name  
I never once heard you complain  
Do you ever know that you're my hero?  
You're everything I wish I could be  
I could fly higher than an eagle  
Cuz' you are the wind beneath my wings  
It might have appeared to go unnoticed  
But I've got it all here in my heart  
I want you to know I know the truth  
I would be nothing without you  
Do you ever know that you're my hero  
And everything I'd like to be  
I can fly higher than an eagle  
Cuz' you are the wind beneath my wings  
You are the wind beneath my wings"  
  
"Freedom itself was attacked this morning by a faceless coward and freedom will be defended.  
  
"Make no mistake the United States will hunt down and punish those responsible for those cowardly acts. We do whatever is necessary to protect America."  
  
--President George W. Bush  
  
***  
  
"Sir?"  
  
"Yes, Carter." Colonel Jack O'Neill looked up from his packing to see his three team members standing in the doorway to his office, but he didn't stop.  
  
"Sir, General Hammond just told us. You weren't going to tell us," she said softely trying to keep any hint of accusation out of her voice.  
  
O'Neill closed his eyes and sighed then looked down at the box that now held most of his possessions that had once been scattered around his office. Sighing again he looked up and met Carter's eyes. "I was going to tell you, Carter ... all of you, but I needed to do some thinking about what exactly I was going to say and packing ... well I was hoping that doing something like packing would help."  
  
"Why, Jack? Why now?" asked Daniel, crossing his hands across his chest.  
  
"Because it's been almost five months and I need to do something. It's my job, at least it was my job before all of this," he answered, waving his arms around him.  
  
"I understand, O'Neill," stated Teal'c.  
  
Finished with his packing, O'Neill closed with the box flaps and walked around to the front of the desk. There he leaned back against it and put his hands in his pants pockets. "I knew you would, Teal'c. I just wasn't sure ..."  
  
"You didn't know if Sam or I would understand," accused Daniel.  
  
O'Neill smiled wistfully and nodded. "Yeah. The two of you aren't ... weren't," he amended, "warriors ... someone trained to protect their way of life the way Teal'c and I were trained. And to be honest I thought you'd try to talk me out of it."  
  
"And that would be a bad thing?" asked Daniel.  
  
O'Neill shook his head and looked at the floor at his feet. "Daniel, I've thought long and hard about this. I've got to go," said O'Neill. "My conscious won't let me not go." He didn't look up. "I'm a soldier. Doing battle against our enemies is what I know and all I've done since this thing happened is sit here under this pile of rock."  
  
"So what you're saying is that if someone isn't actually over there, they aren't doing anything to help?"  
  
O'Neill's head jerked up. "No Daniel, that's not what I'm saying. I'm saying for me, I have to be there. It's how I can contribute. Don't tell me that when you watched the news, you didn't want to be there ... that you didn't want to jump on a plane and go find the cowards that did this."  
  
"Of course we did," said Carter, walking into the room. "All of us ... we were here together when it happened. We all sat here together and watched what was happening. We all felt the horror. We all sat here for days watching and waiting for the other shoe to drop ... for something else to happen. And we all cried together for all those people."  
  
"Then you have to understand ..." began O'Neill.  
  
"We understand that you ... you are suffering because you feel just as helpless as the rest of us and because of who and what you are ... what you've been trained to do ... you feel guilty because you're not actively over there carrying a rifle hunting for the people responsible, but Colonel ... not everyone can be there and not everyone can fight this in the same way."  
  
"Sam's right," said Daniel joining her in the room. "We all help in our own way ... we all fight in our own way."  
  
"But my way ..." began O'Neill again.  
  
"isn't what it used to be," finished Daniel. "Jack. We're all different people than what we used to be ... including you. Yeah at one time you were part of a special ops unit and you went off and did all that ...," he paused seemingly looking for the right word, " ... stuff and if you weren't here at the SGC, you'd probably be over there right now."  
  
"But you are here at the SGC and you're responsibilities have changed ... you're priorities have changed because of that," took up Carter.  
"But sir, just because of that it doesn't mean that we all can't help in our own way and that it isn't just as important as what the troops are doing over there right now."  
  
O'Neill shook his head. "I understand that, Carter. But it isn't me. I can't just sit on the sidelines."  
  
"You aren't. None of us are. We're all in this together no matter where we are, who we are, or what we're doing. From the firefighters, police, and emergency personnel who ran into those buildings ... to the people who made sandwiches and brought coffee to all the volunteers ... to those that donated blood and money ... to those that simply said a prayer for those that died and those that lived ... to the soldiers who are now over in Afghanistan. No one is on the sidelines."  
  
O'Neill's eyes moved from Carter to Daniel and then to Teal'c. "And you Teal'c? You said you understood."  
  
"O'Neill, you have taught me many things. The first one you taught me was that freedom has a price that must be paid if it is what we want. The second was that sometimes that price is nothing more than hope ... the hope that we will have the strength to do our part no matter what it is. No matter how small we perceive it to be."  
  
***  
  
General Hammond felt O'Neill's presence before he heard the knock. "Come in, Jack."  
  
"Uh, General," stammered O'Neill, "you know that transfer request I put in for?"  
  
Hammond picked up a folder and showed it to O'Neill. "You mean this one?"  
  
"Uh, yes sir."  
  
Hammond lay the folder back down on his desk and leaned back in his chair. "What about it?" he asked.  
  
O'Neill took a step into the room, hands deep in his pockets, shoulders hunched. "I'd, uh, kind of like to withdraw it ... sir."  
  
"Withdraw it?"  
  
"Uh, yes sir."  
  
Hammond's posture didn't change, nor did his expression of nonchalance. "Care to let me in on the reason, Colonel?"  
  
"Personal, sir," mumbled O'Neill. "It's, uhm, kind of personal. I have just been reminded of something that I'd forgotten."  
  
"I see," said Hammond who now leaned forward and once again picked up the folder. Opening it he pulled out the papers that were inside and held them out to O'Neill. "It's good to have you back, Colonel."  
  
O'Neill took the papers and ripped them in half holding them over Hammond's waste paper basket. "Do you mind, sir?" he asked.  
  
"Not at all."  
  
Dropping the torn papers into the basket, he suddenly came to attention and snapped off a brisk salute to Hammond. "Thank you, sir."  
  
Returning the salute, Hammond said with a smile, "They got to you, didn't they?"  
  
"Yes, sir. They did," said O'Neill smiling back. "They certainly did."  
  
***  
  
The End 


End file.
